The Great Food Caper (Or, The Ghost That Haunts My Apartment)

The following is an actual conversation that occurred today via text:

Roommate-So I ran a little experiment today.

Me-Oh really?

Roommate-I left something out (food) it looks like a piece was cut from it. Weird shit.

Me-[Other roommate]?

Roommate-He’s in Cali!

Me-Ah.

Roommate-You’re not freaked out?

Me-I don’t think someone came in and cut a piece of food. That seems crazy. What was it?

Roommate-Bread. It was in my room though.

Me-Mouse?

Roommate-Maybe.

Me-Maybe tomorrow put tape on the door somewhere not obvious. Then you’ll know.

Roommate-True! I think someone is playing a prank since Halloween is around the corner.

Me-How would someone get in?

Roommate-Idk…*thinking cloud emoticon*

Me-Exactly. 🙂

This text exchange followed a conversation during a spontaneous party my roommate threw last night with several of her friends, during which every single time I came into the common area, they began to talk about the ghost that is haunting our house and eating our food. It reeked of conspiracy to me; she didn’t know that, while I had been Skyping with a friend from home in my room, I could hear their conversation through the wall. They were totally baiting me, though it didn’t come as a surprise.

This all began over a simple carton of ice cream.

A week ago this past Saturday, I got my grocery order. I always have ice cream delivered, because I would never make it home with it on the bus. I had one scoop of it. I went back to it on Thursday night, and there was literally ONE SCOOP left in the carton. ONE. I held it in front of my roommate’s face while she was straightening her hair, with the lid off. “Did you eat this?” I asked, as if she was a naughty child, or my cat. “No,” she replied. “I’d be sick if I did. I can’t eat dairy or chocolate.” (Never mind that she has milk all the time. I’ve seen her). But then she paid me for the carton. “Just in case” she was sleepwalking and pilfered my food “on accident.”

I was determined to just let it go, even though I had had a bad day. Even though I really wanted a bloody dish of ice cream. Even though I knew she had to be lying. Even though she followed it up with yet another tirade on the haunting, complete with a mysteriously appearing carton of spaghetti (that has been in the cardboard since I moved in) and doors that open without anyone opening them (our apartment is windy and the cabinets don’t latch well). I blew her off. I wanted to just move on, take her money, and buy myself more ice cream. 

But now this. It seems to be an incredibly extravagant attempt to convince me that the apartment is haunted, which can mean one of two things. A-My roommate is crazy. B-My roommate wants me to move out.

What my roommate does NOT know is that I have been looking, have put in applications, and have been approved for other living situations. I would happily move out. I might as well be living independently in my tiny room for all the time I spend in the common area. Everyone in the neighborhood speaks Spanish, the other tenants are odd, and I hear strange noises in the backyard at night that sound like chainsaws. (I really wonder sometimes what they’re doing back there.) I’m an adult who has had multiple leases, and is well aware that what we have right now is not legally binding. This means that I could leave any time I want. The issue lies in my security deposit, which resides with my roommate. I cannot afford to move without it.

Heck, maybe the “ghost” can get it back for me.

In the interim, I’ve ordered a food locker for the fridge off of Amazon. Another day in the life of a grad student.

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