Intensity

looking in the mirror

reveals the reverse of what she expects to see;

feelings.

the looking glass doesn’t show today

what it showed before-

it’s not as easy to get lost

in the smaller image,

in the hint of truth

behind the wall; the mask.

before, there stood a monster

worthless, unloved,

larger in her own perception

than in that of those who loved her.

alone and forgotten

waiting for a hand but not reaching out

now there’s just a girl

not even a girl, at times,

only a vision

struck down by affliction

beaten

bruised

she asks herself why.

she blows in the wind;

useless, restless, weightless

nothing there this time

she’s driven it away.

no more waiting for the end;

the time for decisions is now

the end of the path has arrived

breaking down gently at the end of the road.

isn’t this everything she wanted?

to be here, in this narrow edge

of space and time,

taking up this precious little space?

she tells herself that’s true

but cowers in the cowardice of the lie.

the mirror isn’t talking back.

she’s not diseased; she’s not him

she floats in the air

nothing

lost without it

now more whispering

no more tears.

the girl in the mirror

is still wearing a mask

and not who she appears to be.

brokenness can overtake her heart,

if she lets it.

it isn’t easy to be the real thing,

to air the real thing.

even there, in the mirror,

the mask still clings.

it traps her

within the image.

reflections past hold her gaze.

she knows she is not who she was supposed to be.

that truth burns

she wonder how it is

that she should be here

where she is; what she is

she has reached the edge of what she knew.

she looks into the mirror,

and she hates the mask that stands there

for the first time in a long time, she sees the truth;

turns away;

it’s too late to face it

she will do what she wants now.

conquering on her own has become the greatest victory,

yet, still impossible.

she embraces the truth

and relinquishes the falsehood

until the only thing left is the beating of her hurt.

it shines.

she still exists.

her standard of living is stuck on survive.

she watches the reflection, the mask.

reaching inside

she struggles to lift it off.

only then can she find the happiness

she always sought.

then, and only then can she truly love.

then,

and only then,

can she find her true intensity.

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