looking in the mirror
reveals the reverse of what she expects to see;
the looking glass doesn’t show today
what it showed before-
it’s not as easy to get lost
in the smaller image,
in the hint of truth
behind the wall; the mask.
before, there stood a monster
larger in her own perception
than in that of those who loved her.
alone and forgotten
waiting for a hand but not reaching out
now there’s just a girl
not even a girl, at times,
only a vision
struck down by affliction
she asks herself why.
she blows in the wind;
useless, restless, weightless
nothing there this time
she’s driven it away.
no more waiting for the end;
the time for decisions is now
the end of the path has arrived
breaking down gently at the end of the road.
isn’t this everything she wanted?
to be here, in this narrow edge
of space and time,
taking up this precious little space?
she tells herself that’s true
but cowers in the cowardice of the lie.
the mirror isn’t talking back.
she’s not diseased; she’s not him
she floats in the air
lost without it
now more whispering
no more tears.
the girl in the mirror
is still wearing a mask
and not who she appears to be.
brokenness can overtake her heart,
if she lets it.
it isn’t easy to be the real thing,
to air the real thing.
even there, in the mirror,
the mask still clings.
it traps her
within the image.
reflections past hold her gaze.
she knows she is not who she was supposed to be.
that truth burns
she wonder how it is
that she should be here
where she is; what she is
she has reached the edge of what she knew.
she looks into the mirror,
and she hates the mask that stands there
for the first time in a long time, she sees the truth;
it’s too late to face it
she will do what she wants now.
conquering on her own has become the greatest victory,
yet, still impossible.
she embraces the truth
and relinquishes the falsehood
until the only thing left is the beating of her hurt.
she still exists.
her standard of living is stuck on survive.
she watches the reflection, the mask.
she struggles to lift it off.
only then can she find the happiness
she always sought.
then, and only then can she truly love.
and only then,
can she find her true intensity.